For most the idea of a sick day, lounging in bed and binging
on Netflix, although not entirely enjoyable, is a welcome relief from the daily
grind of work. But for me, as I write this from my sick bed, I am desperate to
find my way back to work. And that’s because I absolutely love my job. So when
Laura from Blonde Vision was seeking Guest Bloggers to write for her Careers
feature I jumped at the chance.
I am lucky enough to be a working actress. I am currently
one of the ensemble actors in the West End production of Les Misérables,
and I quite frankly have to pinch myself on a daily basis.
I, Kayleigh McKnight, goofy 25 year old girl from a tiny town on the
borders of Essex, have somehow wangled my way into show business.
Or sometimes that’s
the way I look at it when I’m being dramatic. (For non-dramatic version of this story, please see the end of this
blog post!)
In fact, “wangled” is far from the truth. We live in a
society now where people see success and fame in the performing world as just a
reality TV show away. Not that there’s anything wrong with that (I live with
two previous contestants from reality talent shows) but for many that work in
the theatre and film industries, luck is just not a part of it. In fact, my
journey to where I am now has been a consistent string of rejections, a whole
lot of work in class and at home, and an inner determination that I deserve to be a working actor.
I started doing acting classes from a pretty young age as I
was painfully shy. My parents decided that putting me with a bunch of other
crazy children would help me speak up. Instead it revealed to them that they
just had their own crazy child, she was just in hiding! From there I always had
a love and passion for theatre. Musicals were my escape, and a trip to London
with my Mum was the highlight of my year. When I got to the
“oh-my-god-i-have-to-make-all-my-life-choices-now” age, I stood firm and said
that I wanted to go to drama school. I didn’t get into a degree course the
first time round. Instead, I got offered a yearlong foundation course at LAMDA.
It was that, or go and do a degree in English Literature, and thanks to very
supportive parents I moved into my new flat in London to start my training.
When the year was up, I managed to gain a place at my top choice school
(Guildford School of Acting in case you want to know…) to study Musical
Theatre. What followed was three years of 8.30am ballet classes on a hangover,
crying because I wasn’t good enough and laughing because I had finally earned
an actual degree surrounded by the other “crazy children” who I was lucky
enough to end up in classes with.
And when I left college, a shiny fresh and naïve graduate,
the reality of this crazy industry hit me. I had to move home with my parents
and I got a job working for a private healthcare company, taking enquiries and
booking appointments. All the while, preparing for auditions and hopping on
trains to London any time I was called. A year or so passed. I got rejected so
many times. And then my agent dropped me. By this point, I was seriously close
to calling it quits. It felt like despite what I thought I was capable of, no
one else was with me on this at all. It took a lot of crying into very large
glasses of Sauvignon Blanc but I decided to stay resilient. I couldn’t give up
after the first big hurdle. And so with the help of some friends, and a lot of
emails, I found myself a new agent (who rocks and I’m still with her today) who
put me where I belonged, at the bottom of the ladder.
I moved to London, and
started to work as a teaching assistant whilst doing “profit share” theatre
(essentially... it’s unpaid, and if you are lucky enough to see profits it is
totally minimal!) From there I gained my confidence, and when I walked into the
auditions for Bend it like Beckham the musical I had a new found strength in my
stride. I deserved this job, I was right for it and I was going to work my
absolute hardest to make sure I got it. *Insert montage here of Kayleigh trying
to kick a football in her back garden and singing at 7.30 in the morning to
make sure she’s warmed up for her audition in time*.
So a lot of the time I say I was lucky. I was in the right
place, at the right time with that job. Because ultimately I was. But, I was
once told by my old History teacher (sup Mr Harvey!) that you have to create
your own luck. And that’s precisely what I try to stick by now. So when I got
the call to say I landed my first West End job in Bend it, I cried… not because
I was happy, but because finally all the hard work and effort I’d put in was
being validated. I wasn’t doing it for just me anymore.
Then, after an amazing year playing a footballer (and
getting to go on as the lead which blew 10 year old Kayleigh’s mind) I was back
in a position I’d been before. I’d auditioned for Les Misérables
two other times to no avail. But this time was different. No longer shy
Kayleigh of three years ago, working in a hospital and surrounded by
self-doubt. I was finally standing at my full height (5ft 9 in case you wonder…
shes a tall one!) and knew I deserved to be there. That they wanted casting to
be easy. That they wanted me to be perfect for the job, because ultimately, I’d
be making their job easier.
And here I am now. I get up in the mornings, make myself
brunch, have a quick check of the voice to see if I’m in working order and get
on with my day. This could be catching up with friends, learning new songs for
upcoming auditions, hitting the gym or classes, and keeping my ear to the
ground with upcoming opportunities. Then, at 6.30pm we hit the stage for a
vocal warm up before we get laced into corsets, pinned into wigs and thrown
onto stage to entertain an audience of over a 1000 people for 3 hours.
It’s physically
and vocally tiring (As the show is entirely sung-through... not a single spoken
line which is mental now I think about it!) but exhilarating at the same time.
No show is the same, despite the moves and lines being identical each night.
It’s amazing how someone’s mood offstage can affect the way you play the show
onstage and I think that’s what keeps theatre so exciting. You will never see
the same performance twice, ever.
I love my job. I really do. I love the all-encapsulating
highs when you open a show for the first time, and the contained laughter when
someone messes up on stage but you have to keep going. I love it despite the
crushing feeling when you don’t get recalled for an audition you thought you
nailed, or find out that after 6 rounds of auditions they “just went for the
other girl”. It’s hard not having a normal social life.
I’ve missed weddings,
christenings, birthdays. I think people think I don’t care about that but I
really do. I hate not being able to go on a date with a normal 9 to 5 guy
because I don’t finish work until 22.30pm at night! I hate having to work other
jobs when I’m resting. I hate the constant self-evaluating in my brain when I
come off stage and when I leave an audition room. I hate having days where I
hate being at work, because I know how very lucky I am. And I really REALLY hate sick days.
But I love my job. And I really wouldn’t have it any other
way.
The condensed
version for those of us who can’t deal with my melodramatic delivery of my
career journey so far:
You make your own luck. Sure, you can be in the right place at the right time, but you have to make the right impression too – so don’t skimp out on the hard work.
Acting work is sociable but only within the acting world. We are night owls. If you want to date us, expect a late night drink!
Drama school is hard work. Don’t think that we just dance on tables like they do in Fame. I’ve pretended to be trees and squirrels and everything…….. Yeah like I said… It can be hard work. Also, invest in convertible tights. Lifesavers and timesavers!
Drama school is hard work. Don’t think that we just dance on tables like they do in Fame. I’ve pretended to be trees and squirrels and everything…….. Yeah like I said… It can be hard work. Also, invest in convertible tights. Lifesavers and timesavers!
Auditions are the most scary and brilliant experience ever. Embrace them. Use them as an opportunity to learn. Remember, the casting team want an easy job, they want to like you!
It’s competitive. Don’t kid yourself that this will be an easy ride!
Trust your gut. If it says to keep going, then it’s probably right. And if it says it’s time to call it quits, that’s totally right too! You are the one who knows what’s truly right.
You aren’t going out on stage every night and saving lives, but you could change someone’s life. Take your job seriously but not too seriously. It’s called a play for a reason.
And that’s all folks. If you fancy catching me smeared in mud, laced into a corset and struggling because I clearly ate too much for dinner, you can catch me at the Queens Theatre.
It’s competitive. Don’t kid yourself that this will be an easy ride!
Trust your gut. If it says to keep going, then it’s probably right. And if it says it’s time to call it quits, that’s totally right too! You are the one who knows what’s truly right.
You aren’t going out on stage every night and saving lives, but you could change someone’s life. Take your job seriously but not too seriously. It’s called a play for a reason.
And that’s all folks. If you fancy catching me smeared in mud, laced into a corset and struggling because I clearly ate too much for dinner, you can catch me at the Queens Theatre.
Over and out!
- Koko
a.k.a Kayleigh McKnight (if we’re going to be professional
about it!)
Twitter: @koko91
Instagram: @koko4491
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