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Monday, 17 July 2017

Things no one told me about getting engaged...

If you read my previous post about my blogging break, or follow me on any kind of social media, you will know that in April, Luke and I got engaged. It was partly a shock and partly not. I knew it was coming at some point this year, but at that very moment, I could not have been more surprised to see him down on one knee. I genuinely thought he’d fallen over!

As I’m the first one of my close friends to get engaged, I didn’t really know how I would feel or what to expect. I was sat on the plane earlier this week going to work in Amsterdam and it got me thinking about everything I’ve thought and felt in these last few months and that’s when I decided to write it all down, particularly the things no one told me…




No one told me…
The second that ring was on my finger I would get obsessed with all things wedding related

I’ve always thought it was weird how people get engaged and then literally the second it happens, they’re wedding obsessed and have booked the venue, flowers and photographer all within the space of 24 hours. I’m that person. I never ever expected to be that person. I always thought I’d get engaged and I’d be happy, but content to carry on like normal, casually start the discussions about a potential wedding a few months down the line. No. I went wedding crazy in the space of about 25 minutes, after the tears stopped of course.

It’s no secret that I’ve had secret Pinterest boards for the last few months with dresses, flowers, decorations ideas that I had in mind for a wedding when and if that day ever happened. When the day did come, my obsession reached a new height. I have no idea why I went from 0 to 100 so quickly but I think it was the excitement and realisation that this is actually happening and we can turn our dreams into a reality.

No one told me…
I would get way more emotional than I ever expected, and still am

Obviously I cried when Luke first proposed, I’m quite an emotional person so I always knew I would. What I wasn’t expecting was to still be so emotional nearly 3 months later. All I have to do is think about him on one knee or my dad walking me down the aisle and I start crying. I cry when I tell people. I cry when I look at my ring. I cried when Jenny tried on her bridesmaid dress, I cry when I play the song I’ll walk down the aisle to, I even cry at most episodes of say yes to the dress which is absolutely pathetic. I’ve just been SO emotional and crying constantly.

I’m genuinely petrified I’ll be crying walking down the aisle and ruin all my wedding photos because I won’t stop crying. I pray to god I don’t but I really can’t help it. Please someone reassure me I’ll be able to pull myself together on the big day!!

No one told me…
The first few seconds after the question was ‘popped’. I would be asking myself 10 million questions including whether I really wanted this

I guess you always think about how you will feel when someone proposes but until it happens, you don’t actually know. I think about a million questions ran through my head at the speed of light when I saw Luke on one knee, in this order

What is he doing?

Why is he on the floor?

This is weird, what’s happening?

Why is he fumbling with something?

Oh god what’s he found? He’s going to moan at me about my side of the bed having clothes everywhere (he was on one knee at the side of the bed where I had half my suitcase emptied on to the floor and I knew the clean freak in him was getting annoyed)

Hang on that box isn’t mine

Oh my god it’s happening

I can see diamonds

My vision is blurry

Oh shit it’s the Vera Wang ring

What is he doing with that ring?

Is this a dream?

There’s no way he would have bought that

Hang on, that ring sold out months ago

This can’t be real surely

He’s bought a fake one hasn’t he

Okay who’s playing with me

Come out everyone it’s not funny now

No one is jumping out saying surprise

Maybe this is for real

Oh shit

He’s asking me to marry him

For real

This is it

This is the moment

Do I want this?

Am I ready?

Are we ready?

Am I too young for this?

It’s the rest of my life!

Who am I kidding? Of course I am

I’m so happy

I can’t believe this is happening

I can’t believe he got me that ring

Wow he must actually love me

He wants to spend the rest of his life with me

I’m so excited for our future

This is insane

***

And at this point I finally managed to blub a yes through my happy tears

Whilst it was only a few seconds, time just stood still while all of those thoughts and questions flashed through my mind. I did have a few second freak out wondering whether we were ready or if I was too young but I think that’s normal when you’re about to make the biggest commitment of your life.

I was so shocked and I really wasn’t expecting it that I genuinely couldn’t believe it was happening. I think I also forgot to say yes straight away because of all these thoughts, I remember him still on the floor saying ‘sooo, will you then?’ which is why I came back to reality and said yes!

No one told me…
I feel like a grown up for the first time

When I bought my first house, I didn’t really feel any different, which is weird because a 30 year mortgage is a massive commitment. Getting engaged has been totally different though. I’m getting married, for life. I’m going to be a wife. That’s actual proper grown up stuff. We’re going to have the same name and be called husband and wife. Scary! I feel like an actual grown up for the first time ever! A very long way from the careless undergraduate I swear I was 5 minutes ago! Jeez I wonder how I’ll feel when I have children!!

No one told me…
Staring at my ring will never get old

I’ve never ever in my life been so obsessed with a material item like I am with my engagement ring. I never stop staring at it. Partly because it’s so beautiful and sparkles so much it’s hard to ignore, but also partly because of what it represents.

It represents our future, our love. It represents me being accepted into another family, and Luke’s commitment to want to spend the rest of his life with me – something that completely blows my minds.

I always wanted a big sparkly ring and now I have one I can’t stop staring at it. Even now when I’m sat here typing and the sparkle is catching the light, I just stop and stare. I can’t even put into words how much I love it.

No one told me…
Everything I ever thought I wanted for the wedding is the opposite of what we’re doing

I’ve never had any desire to get married abroad. Luke and I had spoken about it before but I wasn’t interested. I wanted the big English countryside wedding. When we got engaged in Jamaica, the weather for pretty much most of the trip was absolutely horrendous, torrential rain most days. I was so devastated having spent more on that trip than I have on anything in my life and for it to be partly ruined by the rain was heartbreaking. I also felt for all of the happy couples I saw getting married at the hotel every day when the rain poured relentlessly.

Once Luke proposed, I knew straight away I wanted to get married abroad. I couldn’t possibly imagine spending tens of thousands of pounds on a day that could potentially be grey and miserable. Having it rain so much in Jamaica made me realise how much difference the sun makes and having a happy, sunny, bright day on my wedding day was so important to me. Obviously I know there is a chance we could get bad weather in Spain but it’s definitely less likely than in the UK which is more unpredictable that the British election.

It made me realise sometimes I think I know what I want, but when the time actually comes, it can be very different making the actual decision.

I also know the same will probably be said for my wedding dress and I’ll probably walk out of that shop with something the opposite to everything I thought I wanted!

No one told me…
I would feel differently about Luke

It’s a commitment being in a relationship, but having someone propose and ask you to spend the rest of your lives together, is totally another ball game. It made me realise how serious Luke was about our lives together, which is something I’ve never really known because usually he can’t be serious for more than 5 minutes.

It’s made me properly think about our future for the first time. Obviously I’ve thought about our future, but now we’re getting married I see it more as a realistic thought rather than a daydream.
I also think the commitment that he made to buy me this ring has blown my mind. It’s more than I ever thought he would and should pay for a ring but him making that gesture, knowing that he’s going to be making the monthly payments for a very long time makes me burst with gratitude. He bought me it because he knew I loved it, regardless of what sacrifices he will have to make financially, and that really means so much. I’m not saying I would love him less if he bought me a cheaper ring, it’s just that it’s made me love him more knowing the sacrifices he was willing to make to give me something I wanted.

No one told me…
I constantly consider eloping just to save the thousands of pounds we’re spending on the wedding

The amount of money spent on weddings is absolutely beyond ridiculous, but I can’t help it! Luke and I have always been the type of people that say ‘if we’re going to do it, we might as well do it properly’. It’s actually more him than me being the bigger spender which means we can probably both be quite a dangerous influence on each other when we get going. I’m the one that’s having to reign him back when it comes to wedding planning!

I know it’s a crazy amount of money to spend but here’s my justifications:
  • We’re only going to do it once, ever
  • I’ve been dreaming of this day my whole life so I need to do everything I want
  • If I try and scrimp and save on every single thing, I know I’ll look back and regret it
  • We currently don’t have any children so once they come we can say goodbye to spending money on ourselves
  • We just want to create the most amazing day to experience with all of our friends and family
  • Why shouldn’t we have the world’s best party to celebrate two families joining together
  • How can you put a price on the best day of your life


But, regardless of all of those reasons, I do have moments where I just think what we could spend that money on. Moving house, or an extension of our current house for starters! I think how much we would save by eloping, but I know it would firstly break my families hearts not to see me get married, and in the long run also break my own that I didn’t have the big, extravagant, amazing day I have always dreamed of.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re not being unreasonable and we’re saving money by decorations bits ourselves and cutting down on the guest list as much as possible but I do hope and pray the day is worth spending all this money on.

No one told me…
Would learn a lot about friendships by getting engaged

I always assumed that when I got engaged, all of my friends and acquaintances would be happy for us, but heartbreakingly, that wasn’t always the case. Obviously my close friends were really happy for us, but some people definitely surprised me. From the people who thought liking a facebook status was enough of a congratulations and didn’t bother to even pick up the phone, send a card or write a text, to others who didn’t bother turning up to our engagement party and didn’t say a word about not coming. There were people I’ve known all my life that didn’t say congratulations, and others who were so wrapped up in themselves they weren’t bothered hearing around wedding plans yet still expected to be invited to the wedding.

A wedding is obviously an extremely expensive occasion and I won’t be having anyone there who hasn’t 100% been there for me and been happy for me. I want to look back on these photos in 10, 20, 30 years and still be friends with everyone who’s in them.

On the plus side, getting engaged has really made me realise who my true friends are, and who can be happy for me despite any relationship turmoil they might be going through. I think it says a lot about a person who can be happy for someone else when that area of their life isn’t exactly going swimmingly. I would rather have a couple of amazing friends than lots of mediocre ones so whilst I was originally upset that I didn’t get the reaction I was expecting from everyone, it’s made me love the people who have made such an effort 10 times more!

I really had no idea how happy getting engaged would make me, and us together. Obviously I do still want to hit him over the head with a saucepan sometimes, but that definitely won’t change any time soon! I’m excited to see what the rest of our life brings, but most importantly get stuck into planning my hen do and our wedding!

Let me know if there’s anything you can add to the list of things no one told you about getting engaged! I’d love to hear them!


Love Lauren xx
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3 comments

  1. Yes Yes Yes to all of this! It sounds exactly like how I felt. Also on point 2 I'm THE most emotional person EVER and I cried constantly before my wedding, it was ridiculous. I was SO nervous that I would cry down the aisle and all through the vows but... I did not cry once, I was SO happy and so in love that I just didn't cry (as cheesy as that sounds haha). It honestly was the most amazing day of my life and I wish I could do it all over again. So excited for you!!! xx

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  2. I got married 3 months ago and I too went through this whole roller-coaster of emotions! We had our wedding here in England and it was such a beautiful sunny day in April (that Sunday we had 25 degrees in London) but I get why you want to do this abroad. If I could have, I would have had it in Italy as it's so beautiful out there but thankfully our day was perfect! :) Enjoy the planning, and every little detail! Time flies by and before you know it you will be like me, married for 3 months already! haha
    congratulations :)
    Pam xo/ Pam Scalfi♥

    ReplyDelete
  3. I loved this so much! Despite not being engaged, or ever coming close. It left me with a huge smile on my face. Again, a huge congratulations!!! x

    Abi | Abistreetx

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