If you read my previous post about my blogging break, or
follow me on any kind of social media, you will know that in April, Luke and I
got engaged. It was partly a shock and partly not. I knew it was coming at some
point this year, but at that very moment, I could not have been more surprised
to see him down on one knee. I genuinely thought he’d fallen over!
As I’m the first one of my close friends to get engaged, I
didn’t really know how I would feel or what to expect. I was sat on the plane
earlier this week going to work in Amsterdam and it got me thinking about
everything I’ve thought and felt in these last few months and that’s when I
decided to write it all down, particularly the things no one told me…
No one told me…
The second that ring
was on my finger I would get obsessed with all things wedding related
I’ve always thought it was weird how people get engaged and
then literally the second it happens, they’re wedding obsessed and have booked
the venue, flowers and photographer all within the space of 24 hours. I’m that
person. I never ever expected to be that person. I always thought I’d get
engaged and I’d be happy, but content to carry on like normal, casually start
the discussions about a potential wedding a few months down the line. No. I
went wedding crazy in the space of about 25 minutes, after the tears stopped of
course.
It’s no secret that I’ve had secret Pinterest boards for the
last few months with dresses, flowers, decorations ideas that I had in mind for
a wedding when and if that day ever happened. When the day did come, my
obsession reached a new height. I have no idea why I went from 0 to 100 so
quickly but I think it was the excitement and realisation that this is actually
happening and we can turn our dreams into a reality.
No one told me…
I would get way more
emotional than I ever expected, and still am
Obviously I cried when Luke first proposed, I’m quite an
emotional person so I always knew I would. What I wasn’t expecting was to still
be so emotional nearly 3 months later. All I have to do is think about him on
one knee or my dad walking me down the aisle and I start crying. I cry when I
tell people. I cry when I look at my ring. I cried when Jenny tried on her
bridesmaid dress, I cry when I play the song I’ll walk down the aisle to, I
even cry at most episodes of say yes to the dress which is absolutely pathetic.
I’ve just been SO emotional and crying constantly.
I’m genuinely petrified I’ll be crying walking down the
aisle and ruin all my wedding photos because I won’t stop crying. I pray to god
I don’t but I really can’t help it. Please someone reassure me I’ll be able to
pull myself together on the big day!!
No one told me...
When the moment came, I wouldn't actually care how or when the proposal was done
I always thought I wanted a big gesture proposal like a helicopter ride proposal* or something extravagant and I always hoped my future fiance would go all out on something absolutely outragous but looking back, I realise it doesn't matter how or when it was done, the point is, Luke is asking to marry me and that is the most important thing and regardless of how it happens, it'll always be memorable and special.
No one told me...
When the moment came, I wouldn't actually care how or when the proposal was done
I always thought I wanted a big gesture proposal like a helicopter ride proposal* or something extravagant and I always hoped my future fiance would go all out on something absolutely outragous but looking back, I realise it doesn't matter how or when it was done, the point is, Luke is asking to marry me and that is the most important thing and regardless of how it happens, it'll always be memorable and special.
No one told me…
The first few seconds
after the question was ‘popped’. I would be asking myself 10 million questions
including whether I really wanted this
I guess you always think about how you will feel when
someone proposes but until it happens, you don’t actually know. I think about a
million questions ran through my head at the speed of light when I saw Luke on
one knee, in this order
What is he doing?
Why is he on the floor?
This is weird, what’s happening?
Why is he fumbling with something?
Oh god what’s he found? He’s going to moan at me about my
side of the bed having clothes everywhere (he was on one knee at the side of
the bed where I had half my suitcase emptied on to the floor and I knew the
clean freak in him was getting annoyed)
Hang on that box isn’t mine
Oh my god it’s happening
I can see diamonds
My vision is blurry
Oh shit it’s the Vera Wang ring
What is he doing with that ring?
Is this a dream?
There’s no way he would have bought that
Hang on, that ring sold out months ago
This can’t be real surely
He’s bought a fake one hasn’t he
Okay who’s playing with me
Come out everyone it’s not funny now
No one is jumping out saying surprise
Maybe this is for real
Oh shit
He’s asking me to marry him
For real
This is it
This is the moment
Do I want this?
Am I ready?
Are we ready?
Am I too young for this?
It’s the rest of my life!
Who am I kidding? Of course I am
I’m so happy
I can’t believe this is happening
I can’t believe he got me that ring
Wow he must actually love me
He wants to spend the rest of his life with me
I’m so excited for our future
This is insane
***
And at this point I finally managed to blub a yes through my
happy tears
Whilst it was only a few seconds, time just stood still
while all of those thoughts and questions flashed through my mind. I did have a
few second freak out wondering whether we were ready or if I was too young but
I think that’s normal when you’re about to make the biggest commitment of your
life.
I was so shocked and I really wasn’t expecting it that I
genuinely couldn’t believe it was happening. I think I also forgot to say yes
straight away because of all these thoughts, I remember him still on the floor
saying ‘sooo, will you then?’ which is why I came back to reality and said yes!
No one told me…
I feel like a grown up for the first time
When I bought my first house, I didn’t really feel any different, which is weird because a 30 year mortgage is a massive commitment. Getting engaged has been totally different though. I’m getting married, for life. I’m going to be a wife. That’s actual proper grown up stuff. We’re going to have the same name and be called husband and wife. Scary! I feel like an actual grown up for the first time ever! A very long way from the careless undergraduate I swear I was 5 minutes ago! Jeez I wonder how I’ll feel when I have children!!
No one told me…
Staring at my ring
will never get old
I’ve never ever in my life been so obsessed with a material item
like I am with my engagement ring. I never stop staring at it. Partly because
it’s so beautiful and sparkles so much it’s hard to ignore, but also partly
because of what it represents.
It represents our future, our love. It represents me being
accepted into another family, and Luke’s commitment to want to spend the rest
of his life with me – something that completely blows my minds.
I always wanted a big sparkly ring and now I have one I can’t
stop staring at it. Even now when I’m sat here typing and the sparkle is
catching the light, I just stop and stare. I can’t even put into words how much
I love it.
No one told me…
Everything I ever thought
I wanted for the wedding is the opposite of what we’re doing
I’ve never had any desire to get married abroad. Luke and I
had spoken about it before but I wasn’t interested. I wanted the big English
countryside wedding. When we got engaged in Jamaica, the weather for pretty
much most of the trip was absolutely horrendous, torrential rain most days. I
was so devastated having spent more on that trip than I have on anything in my
life and for it to be partly ruined by the rain was heartbreaking. I also felt
for all of the happy couples I saw getting married at the hotel every day when
the rain poured relentlessly.
Once Luke proposed, I knew straight away I wanted to get
married abroad. I couldn’t possibly imagine spending tens of thousands of
pounds on a day that could potentially be grey and miserable. Having it rain so
much in Jamaica made me realise how much difference the sun makes and having a
happy, sunny, bright day on my wedding day was so important to me. Obviously I
know there is a chance we could get bad weather in Spain but it’s definitely
less likely than in the UK which is more unpredictable that the British
election.
It made me realise sometimes I think I know what I want, but
when the time actually comes, it can be very different making the actual
decision.
I also know the same will probably be said for my wedding
dress and I’ll probably walk out of that shop with something the opposite to
everything I thought I wanted!
No one told me…
I would feel
differently about Luke
It’s a commitment being in a relationship, but having
someone propose and ask you to spend the rest of your lives together, is
totally another ball game. It made me realise how serious Luke was about our
lives together, which is something I’ve never really known because usually he
can’t be serious for more than 5 minutes.
It’s made me properly think about our future for the first
time. Obviously I’ve thought about our future, but now we’re getting married I
see it more as a realistic thought rather than a daydream.
I also think the commitment that he made to buy me this ring
has blown my mind. It’s more than I ever thought he would and should pay for a
ring but him making that gesture, knowing that he’s going to be making the monthly
payments for a very long time makes me burst with gratitude. He bought me it
because he knew I loved it, regardless of what sacrifices he will have to make
financially, and that really means so much. I’m not saying I would love him
less if he bought me a cheaper ring, it’s just that it’s made me love him more
knowing the sacrifices he was willing to make to give me something I wanted.
No one told me…
I constantly consider
eloping just to save the thousands of pounds we’re spending on the wedding
The amount of money spent on weddings is absolutely beyond
ridiculous, but I can’t help it! Luke and I have always been the type of people
that say ‘if we’re going to do it, we might as well do it properly’. It’s
actually more him than me being the bigger spender which means we can probably
both be quite a dangerous influence on each other when we get going. I’m the
one that’s having to reign him back when it comes to wedding planning!
I know it’s a crazy amount of money to spend but here’s my
justifications:
- We’re only going to do it once, ever
- I’ve been dreaming of this day my whole life so I need to do everything I want
- If I try and scrimp and save on every single thing, I know I’ll look back and regret it
- We currently don’t have any children so once they come we can say goodbye to spending money on ourselves
- We just want to create the most amazing day to experience with all of our friends and family
- Why shouldn’t we have the world’s best party to celebrate two families joining together
- How can you put a price on the best day of your life
But, regardless of all of those reasons, I do have moments
where I just think what we could spend that money on. Moving house, or an
extension of our current house for starters! I think how much we would save by
eloping, but I know it would firstly break my families hearts not to see me get
married, and in the long run also break my own that I didn’t have the big, extravagant,
amazing day I have always dreamed of.
Don’t get me wrong, we’re not being unreasonable and we’re
saving money by decorations bits ourselves and cutting down on the guest list
as much as possible but I do hope and pray the day is worth spending all this
money on.
No one told me…
Would learn a lot
about friendships by getting engaged
I always assumed that when I got engaged, all of my friends
and acquaintances would be happy for us, but heartbreakingly, that wasn’t
always the case. Obviously my close friends were really happy for us, but some
people definitely surprised me. From the people who thought liking a facebook
status was enough of a congratulations and didn’t bother to even pick up the
phone, send a card or write a text, to others who didn’t bother turning up to
our engagement party and didn’t say a word about not coming. There were people
I’ve known all my life that didn’t say congratulations, and others who were so
wrapped up in themselves they weren’t bothered hearing around wedding plans yet
still expected to be invited to the wedding.
A wedding is obviously an extremely expensive occasion and I
won’t be having anyone there who hasn’t 100% been there for me and been happy
for me. I want to look back on these photos in 10, 20, 30 years and still be
friends with everyone who’s in them.
On the plus side, getting engaged has really made me realise
who my true friends are, and who can be happy for me despite any relationship
turmoil they might be going through. I think it says a lot about a person who
can be happy for someone else when that area of their life isn’t exactly going
swimmingly. I would rather have a couple of amazing friends than lots of
mediocre ones so whilst I was originally upset that I didn’t get the reaction I
was expecting from everyone, it’s made me love the people who have made such an
effort 10 times more!
I really had no idea how happy getting engaged would make
me, and us together. Obviously I do still want to hit him over the head with a
saucepan sometimes, but that definitely won’t change any time soon! I’m excited
to see what the rest of our life brings, but most importantly get stuck into
planning my hen do and our wedding!
Let me know if there’s anything you can add to the list of
things no one told you about getting engaged! I’d love to hear them!
Love Lauren xx
*paid collaboration
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Yes Yes Yes to all of this! It sounds exactly like how I felt. Also on point 2 I'm THE most emotional person EVER and I cried constantly before my wedding, it was ridiculous. I was SO nervous that I would cry down the aisle and all through the vows but... I did not cry once, I was SO happy and so in love that I just didn't cry (as cheesy as that sounds haha). It honestly was the most amazing day of my life and I wish I could do it all over again. So excited for you!!! xx
ReplyDeleteI got married 3 months ago and I too went through this whole roller-coaster of emotions! We had our wedding here in England and it was such a beautiful sunny day in April (that Sunday we had 25 degrees in London) but I get why you want to do this abroad. If I could have, I would have had it in Italy as it's so beautiful out there but thankfully our day was perfect! :) Enjoy the planning, and every little detail! Time flies by and before you know it you will be like me, married for 3 months already! haha
ReplyDeletecongratulations :)
Pam xo/ Pam Scalfi♥
I loved this so much! Despite not being engaged, or ever coming close. It left me with a huge smile on my face. Again, a huge congratulations!!! x
ReplyDeleteAbi | Abistreetx